What I Hear

Yes, there are good days and bad days.  Yes, some days I have more spoons than others.  To be brutally honest, though, everyday I feel like shit; it's just some days I feel like more shit.
       "Fake it till you make it."  That quote means a lot more to people who have chronic illnesses.  We feel like shit all the time, so faking is an art.  Trying our hardest to act like everyday is a good day.  Sometimes it's just not posible to fake; the day is too much of a bad day.  Our bodies feel too much like the life has been drained out of us.  So, please, don't mind me if I can't "fake it".
       "You look so good", is also a saying I hear too much.  The life tends to be drained out of me, I am always in pain, and more times than not, I can't breathe.  It is said with kindness, sincerity, and good intentions; I know.  I may look good on the outside, but it's usually not how I feel.
       "You aren't even trying", is something I heard from a friend in a class.  I started failing my class and kept asking my friends to help me pull through.  She said to me, "We are busy people and aren't able to drop everything to come tutor you. I'm not willing to help if you aren't even trying to complete the work. I get your sick, but it doesn't look like you want to pass."  I wanted to pass!  I am always doing my best and a lot of the time I am trying harder than my best.  I am sick so, the energy to physically complete the work or even have the energy to think, isn't always there.  I always want to do my best!  I always try harder than my hardest, and she did NOT understand!  Let's just say, I passed The Spoon Theory on for her to read and no longer consider her a friend.
       The comments I hear as someone with a chronic illness are hard pills to swallow.  I am not understood until you get to know me.  My story is a long one but in time, as trust is earned, you will hear it.  Ignorant sayings are a piece of the story.

I was Alive for Christmas Day!

I lived! You don't know what I mean? This Christmas Day, I lived; I was alive! It doesn't matter if I didn't feel good because I participated, I talked, I laughed, I had fun. 

       Ever since the chronic illness set into my disability I have had next to no energy. Ever since chronic pain and the need for oxygen entered the picture, it's hard to even want to participate. With all this said, you can imagine that Christmas was not my best day of the year. Too many people and too much noise. Too long of a day at my Nana's with so many chances for my body to give out on me. Yesterday, though, I laughed and enjoyed my family. You know why? I knew when to take a pill, when to put my oxygen on, and when to relax through a medical episode. You know who told me? My dog!

       Every time she knew before I did (which was EVERY time) she sat and stared, and then if I didn't take charge she stared at a family member. With Cleo keeping me in check, my mood stayed brighter and I stayed engaged!

       As I write this, I am crying because this 53 pound, golden, Labrador Retriever kept me going for almost twelve hours, when I usually would've broken down. This dog, whom I've wanted for years and years, has helped me in ways I've never dreamed of. I love her, I love her unconditionally, because I was ALIVE for Christmas Day!

Refrain From Petting With Your Voice!

Cleo and I are newbies in the service dog community.  We have only been together for about four months, and for this we are still growing and learning about each other.  Nothing will ever be "perfect", though.  So, I am sorry to the people she sniffs, the backpacks she sticks her head into, and the accidents that may occur!  Again, we are still growing in our partnership.
       I understand that when she is doing these things it is hard to ignore her.  I also understand that it is hard to ignore a dog, in general.  But, I have friends who's dog alerts to oncoming seizures and cardiac issues.  Cleo alerts me to low oxygen levels, pain, my surroundings, and much more.  Our dogs are supposed to be paying attention to their handlers so they can alert and we can treat.  In a lot of cases it's a life or death situation.
       My last blog post I wrote about reading "The Big Bold Sign".  In this post I am focusing on "petting with your mouth".  Every time you talk to my service dog in that high pitched, cutesy voice that You save for cute furry animals, you are distracting her from her work an d possibly causing her to miss an alert.  If a dog could possibly a seizure or cardiac alert dog distracting is a big no-no.  Any type of service dog, wether it be a mobility dog, alert dog, or guide dog, please refrain from petting with your voice.
Thank you in advanced!

The Big, Bold Sign!

Bi"DO NOT PET" is what it says in all capital, bold letters on Cleo's vest.  To be frank, I am upset with the people who do not read the sign.  However, I realize that people just don't understand why they are not allowed to pet her.  I would like to enlighten everybody and answer any and all questions.  If by the end of this post you still have questions, feel free to ask in the comments.

       My partnership is a new one, yet I always knew the key rule: NO PETTING OR DISTRACTING IN ANY WAY.  Once I received Cleo I finally realized how often the key rule is not followed.  You are seeing a sweet and pretty dog that you just want to love on, but you can't.  You can't pet her because although she is a dog, her primary focus is always on helping me.  The fact that she is a dog means that you also can also distract her by petting with your voice.  You know, that high pitched, cutesy voice that is saved for the sweetest animals in the world; that is as distracting as petting.
       All service dog organizations are different, but CPL does not allow anyone but to pet, speak, or make eye contact with the dog, besides the handler, for the first six months of a partnership.  The reasoning behind this is so the dog knows all the ins and outs of their partner.  Our dogs can open doors , help take off jackets and other clothing, turn lights on/off, retrieve phones in an emergency situation, and so much more.  Our dogs can also alert to oxygen levels, diabetes, cardiac conditions, seizures, and so many other health conditions.  By distracting Cleo or any other service dog, you could possibly be distr acting them from catching a medical episode or from an important task.m some of the dogs are trained to help people with balance issues.  When the dog is on a stand/stay they could be dangerous for the person leaning on the dog for support.
       So, please read the sign. 

Lazy Day/Busy Day

We didn't leave the house today, but we were productive.
       Out to potty, breakfast, and then a little rest is how the day starts.  Cleo got treated like crazy today because she was so great!  We started out with our daily obedience and then worked on some skills.  We worked on bag carries and retrieval.  We also worked on her pushing my foot back onto my foot plate.  We reached great strides with that one.  Food refusal went well; she definitely knows what "leave it" means wether she chooses to listen or not.
       I am so grateful to have her.  I love her to death!  Although today was a lazy day we were busy.