Defying Human Nature

I can just picture it, the daunting moment.  Presentations in English class are no longer just projects or finals; they are now typical occurrences, happening almost every day.  I would have to volunteer of coarse because my teacher does not call on people, she likes for us to take the initiative.  But the picture is still clear, I can see the daunting task ahead of me.

       I volunteer (if I somehow summon the courage) and I make my way slowly up to the front of the classroom from my awkward see in the back, probably bumping into things on the way, while all eyes stare at me.  I finally get to the front of the classroom and have to turn myself around, sitting there I feel the eyes on my face and being nervous I start to get quieter than I already am.  Then I am asked to be louder but I physically cannot, whether I am nervous or not the little amount of air flowing through my lungs does not permit me to be louder.  I am done so I make my way slowly back to my seat.  I am proud of myself yet always wondering what people think of me.

       People say to not care, to be positive and everything will be fine.  To a certain extent I believe that but I also believe that part of this is just human nature.  They say to picture people in their underwear, but honestly I think that would just make me more nervous.  Some people ask me, "But if you're legally blind how do you know the people are staring at you?"  I just do, I can feel it.  There is this fear I have of public speaking, especially around people I know.  A fear of being judged, a fear of being too slow or too quiet.

       But, I also believe to some extent that it's human nature to judge other people. That doesn't mean it's right to do so.  And just because I said it it was a human nature to feel a certain amount of pessimism doesn't mean we have to. It's human nature to think certain thoughts every once in a while but I believe we don't have to think those thoughts all the time! 

       Whether this means I will find the curtains to volunteer and show myself, I don't know.  But I'm working on it, slowly but surely I am working on it.  I am working on defying human nature and getting out of my "circle thingy"!  It's happening too.

Far Greater Than Straight ‘As'

Why does it matter, if you take physics as a freshman or a junior?  Why does having straight ‘As' automatically make you smarter and more superior?  Imagine this: That girl who's in physics, with all the freshman, Maybe her parents just got divorced, or maybe her mother is the only parent in the house and her father's in the force.  Or visa-versa.  Maybe her brother is sick and her sister is making choices.  Or maybe this girl is just simply working her ass off to get by, and making it into physics is a big accomplishment!
       The point here is:  it is not your place to be judgemental or condescending.  For this girl's story I assume you do not know.  Each persons walk is different, and sometimes learning by experience is far greater than straight ‘As’.

There is Something You Should Know.

There is something you must know.  Physical impairment does not mean impairment of the mind; I am smart and I am kind.  So when you speak to me - and I hope you do - speak to me directly, and not through you.  For I hate middle men; they corrupt the message, especially when the message is meant for me and not them.
       There is something you must know.  Help is a job for two.  Job one is for me, job two is for you.  I must tell you what I need but you must help me carry it through.  So when I ask for help it involves you too.
       There is something you must know.  I am human.  I am a teenager.  I am flawed and have disabilities, but don't we all.  The only difference between yours and mine is that mine are visible and yours are not.  Autism, dyslexia, anxiety disorders, OCD, CP, spinabifida, blindness.  They are all disabilities and they are part of what makes us ALL human.
        Children are no less human than the adults.  Woman are no less human than man. People who have disabilities are no less human than any of the rest of us.  No one should be talked down upon.