I was Alive for Christmas Day!

I lived! You don't know what I mean? This Christmas Day, I lived; I was alive! It doesn't matter if I didn't feel good because I participated, I talked, I laughed, I had fun. 

       Ever since the chronic illness set into my disability I have had next to no energy. Ever since chronic pain and the need for oxygen entered the picture, it's hard to even want to participate. With all this said, you can imagine that Christmas was not my best day of the year. Too many people and too much noise. Too long of a day at my Nana's with so many chances for my body to give out on me. Yesterday, though, I laughed and enjoyed my family. You know why? I knew when to take a pill, when to put my oxygen on, and when to relax through a medical episode. You know who told me? My dog!

       Every time she knew before I did (which was EVERY time) she sat and stared, and then if I didn't take charge she stared at a family member. With Cleo keeping me in check, my mood stayed brighter and I stayed engaged!

       As I write this, I am crying because this 53 pound, golden, Labrador Retriever kept me going for almost twelve hours, when I usually would've broken down. This dog, whom I've wanted for years and years, has helped me in ways I've never dreamed of. I love her, I love her unconditionally, because I was ALIVE for Christmas Day!

Refrain From Petting With Your Voice!

Cleo and I are newbies in the service dog community.  We have only been together for about four months, and for this we are still growing and learning about each other.  Nothing will ever be "perfect", though.  So, I am sorry to the people she sniffs, the backpacks she sticks her head into, and the accidents that may occur!  Again, we are still growing in our partnership.
       I understand that when she is doing these things it is hard to ignore her.  I also understand that it is hard to ignore a dog, in general.  But, I have friends who's dog alerts to oncoming seizures and cardiac issues.  Cleo alerts me to low oxygen levels, pain, my surroundings, and much more.  Our dogs are supposed to be paying attention to their handlers so they can alert and we can treat.  In a lot of cases it's a life or death situation.
       My last blog post I wrote about reading "The Big Bold Sign".  In this post I am focusing on "petting with your mouth".  Every time you talk to my service dog in that high pitched, cutesy voice that You save for cute furry animals, you are distracting her from her work an d possibly causing her to miss an alert.  If a dog could possibly a seizure or cardiac alert dog distracting is a big no-no.  Any type of service dog, wether it be a mobility dog, alert dog, or guide dog, please refrain from petting with your voice.
Thank you in advanced!

The Big, Bold Sign!

Bi"DO NOT PET" is what it says in all capital, bold letters on Cleo's vest.  To be frank, I am upset with the people who do not read the sign.  However, I realize that people just don't understand why they are not allowed to pet her.  I would like to enlighten everybody and answer any and all questions.  If by the end of this post you still have questions, feel free to ask in the comments.

       My partnership is a new one, yet I always knew the key rule: NO PETTING OR DISTRACTING IN ANY WAY.  Once I received Cleo I finally realized how often the key rule is not followed.  You are seeing a sweet and pretty dog that you just want to love on, but you can't.  You can't pet her because although she is a dog, her primary focus is always on helping me.  The fact that she is a dog means that you also can also distract her by petting with your voice.  You know, that high pitched, cutesy voice that is saved for the sweetest animals in the world; that is as distracting as petting.
       All service dog organizations are different, but CPL does not allow anyone but to pet, speak, or make eye contact with the dog, besides the handler, for the first six months of a partnership.  The reasoning behind this is so the dog knows all the ins and outs of their partner.  Our dogs can open doors , help take off jackets and other clothing, turn lights on/off, retrieve phones in an emergency situation, and so much more.  Our dogs can also alert to oxygen levels, diabetes, cardiac conditions, seizures, and so many other health conditions.  By distracting Cleo or any other service dog, you could possibly be distr acting them from catching a medical episode or from an important task.m some of the dogs are trained to help people with balance issues.  When the dog is on a stand/stay they could be dangerous for the person leaning on the dog for support.
       So, please read the sign. 

Lazy Day/Busy Day

We didn't leave the house today, but we were productive.
       Out to potty, breakfast, and then a little rest is how the day starts.  Cleo got treated like crazy today because she was so great!  We started out with our daily obedience and then worked on some skills.  We worked on bag carries and retrieval.  We also worked on her pushing my foot back onto my foot plate.  We reached great strides with that one.  Food refusal went well; she definitely knows what "leave it" means wether she chooses to listen or not.
       I am so grateful to have her.  I love her to death!  Although today was a lazy day we were busy. 

Still Figuring Things Out

Yeah, so, disgusting realization today: Cleo eats from the cats litter box!  How do I stop this?  I felt like it was going to happen.  We can't close the door to that room because what if Felix, our cat, needs his litter box.  I have been trying to enforce "leave it" and treat when the command is listened to.  I almost want to pour hydrogen peroxide down her throat!  That can't be good!
       We went to an SSI appointment today.  We were running because I was almost late to my appointment.  She kept great pace with me.  When we got home we worked on some daily obedience and service skills.
       At about two o'clock in the afternoon the mailman came and Cleo barked loud enough to spook everyone in the house.  A strong "knock it off" and a little bit of playtime took care of that.  I have to figure out how to occupy her when I don't feel up to playing.  Thinking of stuffing a large Kong and stuffing it with frozen food.
       Well, probably going to brush Cleo's teeth tonight.  Trimmed her nails last night.  Definitely still figuring things out!

First Day

I am back at 40,000 feet in the air, but this time with Cleo by my side.
     Today started last night when my Aunt drove us to the airport at seven o'clock in the evening to ensure our timely arrival.  We ended up going straight to the hotel after graduation to pack up and leave.  Cleo did not know what the heck was going on, but with her mom by her side she went along for the ride.  It ended up working out quite well.  Everything went as planned… except for the car camping.
       Waking up at five in the morning hit me hard as I still need to catch up on a months worth of sleep.  As we were walking into the airport there was a man sleeping on a bench with a white blanket.  For some reason Cleo decided to bark at that person.  I love that she wants to protect mommy but let's keep it less vocal.  I corrected her with a "knock it off" and then rewarded quiet behavior.  The rest of the airport seemed to be a quiet one.
       When we passed through TSA there was a little argument about sending Cleo through the scanner.  I am not at the point of feeling comfortable enough to lett her prance around the airport naked.  I held my ground and we both got a pat down.
       Hopefully Cleo likes her new home and feline brother.  I hope she's not too mad at me about no breakfast, either.  No one wants any accidents!

Graduation Speech

For about five years I searched and searched for a service dog organization that would help me.  You see, the thing that every other organization had a problem with is that I'm visually impaired and have a phisical disability.  I literally emailed and called and applied to every single organization that was ADI certified.  One organization actually said, "You can't be blind and physically disabled."  Well, obviously you can be because I am.  No one wanted to take the challenge… and then I found CPL!
      In November of 2014 I came all the way from San Diego, California for my interview.  I worked with a few dogs and got asked the questions.  What did I want in a dog?  Calm, always looking out for me, and cuddly - those are the words to describe Cleo!
       When I got home from the interview my health took a plummeting down fall off a cliff.  At least that's what it felt like to me.  My parents are worried to leave me home a lone for too long, now.  Cleo will certainly change that by making me and my parents feel more comfortable ble being alone.  I will be safe with her by my side!  I will also be going to college in the fall and she will be able to look out for me and alert to my low oxygen or pain.  Alerting is an added bonus that she caught on to!
       I missed my high school graduation, grad night, and prom for this but Cleo is well worth it!

Finally Certified

It's over and done with!  I am a certified service dog owner with Cleo as my partner.  I am both excited and terrified.
       I know that Cleo will change my life dramatically, but on Monday I am flying home with a dog.  I want to be home so badly that I'm not sure I will make it to Monday.  Home will never be the same, though, but the difference is a wonderful factor.  I want to go home and bring Cleo with me!
       During this experience of team training I have been in awe, I have met the kindest people, and I have been through some terrifying things and crazy meltdowns.  In the end, it was all worth it.  I will never forget this!

Last Resort

I've had Cleo for a little over a week and we are doing progressing tremendously.  Everyday we bond more and more.  She is learning what I need help with and is happy to work… even without her vest on.  I love her and she loves me.  I never dreamed of how much a service dog could do for me!

       I can not thank CPL enough!  I searched far and wide (the whole North American continent) for an organization that was right for me.  About six years of off and on searching.  I looked through Assistance Dogs International (ADI) and emailed/applied to all of them.  They would say, "You can't be blind and physically disabled."  Well, I beg to differ!

       CPL was my last resort and, boy, I saved the best for last.  At first I was a little put off by what seemed like hrigorous follow up, but, I figured I better try my last resort. 

First Fur Baby

I stole mom's iPad so I could let you all know how I'm doing.  Trying to bond with her, I'm sure seemed fairly quick and easy to her, but was a little difficult.  I miss Meg, my trainer.  I !ove my mom to death now, though!

       I guess I wake her up too early in the morning.  My potty schedule is the same as at CPL.  I don't know why they are trying to brake me of it. 

       They put a heavier buckle on my cape and I don't really like it.  I put up with her putting it on me though because it makes her happy to be able to take care of me on her own.  We went to play time today and ran around with my sister and friends.  I had so much fun!  Mom remembered to potty me before we went into Red Robin.  She gets excited over little, weird things like that.  I'm her first fur baby.  She's doing a pretty great job.  In return I help her out. 

       Getting ready to start a new adventure with my mom!

What a Zoo

I feel like I just walked around the whole zoo, like litterally WALKED!  I am exhausted beyond belief.  There are no words to describe this.  Going, going, going is not my norm.  

       We went to the zoo today.  We practiced "go pay", "touch", "get the door", retrieval a, and bag carries.  Cleo did great… except for bag carries.  None of the dogs like that task.  Of course, a few dogs had to say, "I don't work on Fridays."   All in all, everything went fine. 

       I forgot to mention that on Tuesday at Longwood Gardens I met a graduate that taught her dog to move her legs into an ankle cross on her power chair.  Isn't that amazing?!

       A week from now I will be certified with Cleo as my service dog through CPL.  Super excited to pass that test!  More to come…

Armed and Ready to Help

I am in awe of this organization everyday!  I thank God that I fell upon them within my search for an organization that would be willing to help.  They find the best way that they can help, and in return I abide by their terms to take care of their pup.  Cleo will always remember them, I am sure, but they are sure worth remembering.

       On the second day of class I had received all of Cleo's clothing.  Upon putting the vest on I learned that getting Cleo dressed would not be a task that I would be performing on my own.  The clip was just to hard of a pinch for my hands to manipulate, so I was asked, "How could we make this work for you?" I said "What about a seatbelt buckle."   A week and a half later Cleo has a seatbelt buckle on her vest and I got her undressed all on my own.  Thank you CPL for helping to make everything work out!  It is greatly appreciated. 

       Today we learned about the Assistant Dogs International (ADI) certification test.  CPL adds their own perrameters to the test.  The test is a simple trip to Walmart.  They watch how you and your partner work and what service skills your partner performs. 

       CPL also has a rigorous follow up program.  They truly care about you and your pup!  They want to make sure you guys are taking care of each other and go far.  Honestly, the six month report isn't that rigorous; it takes ten minutes.  Your first six months is filled with regular calls.  CPL is armed and ready to help!

Quick Write!

I was lucky to find CPL through Assistance Dogs International.  CPL amazes me!  I love the training to meet specific needs, all the information received during Team Training, and so on.
       I have had Cleo for about five days.  We are getting along together great.  Bonding a nd learning more and more each day. 

A Little Home Sick

The days our starting to get long.  Honestly, I want to go home, and mostly I want to bring Cleo home.  I'm having fun but, I'm far from home.  I know this is one of the best opportunities, though, so I definitely do not regret making this decision!  This will be one of the best things for me. 

       Today, we went to a beautiful garden that was hard to pay attention to for the sake of our partner.  We told our dogs to "touch" the accessible door button.  Then we did a "go pay".  Cleo and I got a little hung up on the "go pay".  We had to be guided through steps of relearning retrieval because Cleo had decided that she wasn't up for working on Tuesdays.  There was one part of the day where I had to assert my dominance by dragging her tired body behind me for a few feet.  I am still her mom though, and as far as I can tell we love each other dearly.  Just had to show a little tough love. 

       I often wonder what I would want to do if I had a day without my disability.  One thing I would want is to jump in the shower and I'm not so sure Cleo could help me with that.  Another solo ability I would want is to walk somewhere on my own; Cleo could help me with that.  So many possibilities…

       More to come!

Painful Day

Today was a painful day in more ways than one.  Physically as I was not feeling great in both the oxygen and pain department.  Emotionally as we had a heartbreaking lecture.  And, then, just exhausted from all the moving and training.  All the non-stop action is getting to me!  It's getting to Cleo, too. 

       We started off the day with stations again… a retrieval station, a "go pay" station, a "pulling" open cabinets and refrigerator station, and another turning on/off light switch station.  We went through the stations doing fairly well.  Cleo did excellent on retrieval and opening cabinets!  After lunch we practiced walking with our dogs and different positions. 

       After all the training exceed uses we had a heartbreaking lecture on retirement and loss of a service dog.  I had also already read the chapters in our text book, so I went in with an arsenal of prior knowledge.  The retirement is heartbreaking because we are saying goodbye to all the great supportive work.  The loss is just a down right heartbreaking tear jerker.  It's a double wamy!  We were all in tears just listening!

        Then Cleo got some doggie playtime.  She loved it and came back tired and thirsty. 

       If something happens to me I would want Cleo to go to those closest to me or to help someone else with her amazing skills.  Hopefully nothing will happen to either of us for a long time! 

Definiitely Alerts

Today we were told the access in air travel and hospital stays.  We were told that our dogs should be with us at all times, even on ambulances.  We should have a way to tell emergency responders "this is my service dog; we must be attached at the hip".
       Planes seem simple enough.  Maybe adjust food and watering schedule, but the rest of the trip they just chill as if it is a car ride.
       Graduate support class was today and we participated with them.  There were different stations set up; one for basic click/treat training, one for "go pay" as in go pay the cashier, one for retrieval, one for pulling cabinets open, and finally flipping lîght switches.  It was wonderful to see how much Cleo can actually do for me!  It's wonderful to see how many people CPL has helped!
       I saw how the graduate teams worked together and they seemed to have it all figured.  At least less confused than I was.  A minute thing that my mom noticed was that the dogs nails were to long.
        I just want to say that Cleo definitely alerts to pain and oxygen levels!  A little bonus.  Moms leaving tomorrow but my aunt is coming.  More updates to come…

Figuring it Out

     I am not sure if my family and friends have concerns about my partnership with a service dog.  There is no doubt that this is a life changing decision I have made and it is life changing for everyone close to me as well.  The responsibility of caring for Cleo and explaining how to help me care for Cleo is something that will have to be done.  I am sure that a schedule and routine will be figured out. 

       Taking Cleo back to the hotel was both nerve racking and exciting!  Cleo sniffed everything while wagging her tale like I've never seen before.  After I fed her, groomed her, and watered her I proceeded to do my nightly routine where I was closely followed.  I had to do a transfer and my mom couldn't hear my call for help, so Cleo got her for me. 

       We definitely cuddled in bed.  In the morning both my mom and I were awoken for the reason of Cleo having to go potty.  There was no way I could take her because she had to go badly and if I had rushed I would've fallen.  So, my mom took her to potty and when they came back I fed her.  She is getting to know me as her mommy; when I turn my chair on she is up and ready to help!

       There are some things I'm not sure.  This is my first time doing this, but if Cleo can "get the door" for me we can figure this out!

Taking Cleo Home

Today was a long one, but we made a few awesome steps in the right direction.  There were a lot of speeches and lectures.  The morning was a bit of a blur.  We went over our journals like we do every morning, then a pet insurance representative came to enlighten us about that, then we had a whole lecture about what toys a Labrador can and can not tear to pieces - all those that can not be torn apart are safe.  Also, about playtime, our doggies all need some dog on dog rough housing.  In the afternoon we did some training on walking with our dogs, "sit stays", and retrieval.  Finally, we he'd a lecture on healthcare.  A long, long day!
       I was very excited over retrieval!  That is one of the most helpful skills Cleo can do, as I drop everything now.  The commands for retrieval are "take it", "hold it", and "give it".  The added command for Cleo to place it in my lap is "lap" before I say "give it".  She picked a glove up off of the floor and placed it in my lap.  That is progress!
       Tomorrow is the day I get to take Cleo back to the hotel with me.  I'm nervous.  I know to place her blanket on her hotel bed will make her feel more comfortable.  I am trying to stake out the spots where she can do her business.  I will have to take her to CPL to play.  Feeding her and grooming her is my responsibility, but also is cuddling and bonding with her.  I am nervous and excited, but we will be fine!

Field Trip

So, yeah, about today, I am exhausted!  Today, we started out at a private Christian school that generously donated their facility to CPL for use during Team Training (thank you).  There we had a lecture on access with our service dogs and did some obedience and retrieval training.  For lunch we took a field trip to Chilli's utilizing the go "under" a table and lay "down".  Also a command that got broken by Cleo is "leave it" as in "leave the food and keep going".  Finally, the teams who had alert dogs got to go home while the other teams went back to the kennel to feed and groom.
       The field trip went well, I think.  Cleo loaded up in the car wonderfully which is great because that seems to be a command she doesn't particularly like following!  When we got there she lyed down under the table rather cutely until it was time to leave.  I was told that she got a piece of chip on the way out.  I need to be more stern on the "leave it" because I drop almost everything and I do not want her eating a pill, someday.
       She certainly has a bond with her trainer, but I believe that each day that she is handed over to me I am becoming less of a stranger.  After her dinner this evening I received some kisses!  I love her more and more each day, and on Friday when she comes back to the hotel with me, we will truly bond!
       I am trying to think if there is any moments in my life that would not be appropriate and to be honest I don't think there are any.  I don't go skydiving, rock climbing, or do triathlons.  This is in fact the best time in my life for Cleo. 

Boot Camp is Tiring

Oh, I am so tied!  They certainly do not call this boot camp for nothing.  There were definitely a few improvements from yesterday to today.  The leash was attached the correct way today and getting dressed occurred in the proper order.  Both Cleo and I were more comfortable being tethered to each other on my left side rather then on the right.  And, instead of "look at me" before meal time we have decided on shake so I can feel the action being performed.
       Today, we took our dogs through an obstacle coarse using a slu of commands.  First, the dogs had to step between ladder rungs having to use the command "load up".   Then we had to walk through a treat minefield firmly saying "leave it".  We had to approach a table and say "go pay" which is two paws up.  Another table was approached saying "under" and "down" to lye down underneath the table which is used in restaurants.  So many other obstacles were encountered in this course but it went very well.
       I have been wondering how Cleo would have been helpful on a past vacation.  I have actually been thinking of lately when my parents go on date nights leaving me home, on my own.  I drop everything now and Cleo could help me retrieve those objects.  I also would feel safer knowing that she is there to help and protect me.  I wouldn't worry about falling down stairs or curbs when I go out.  Nothing would necessarily be a challenge except for caring for Cleo, but even that will become a routine over time.  (I haven't gone on a vacation in a while.)
       Though I am tired I am having fun loving on Cleo!  A few days away from bringing Cleo back to the hotel!  Boot camp must continue. 

Getting Bumpy

There were a few bumps in the road today.  I definitely felt like I had more control over Cleo, command wise anyways.  I encountered a few visual issues and a loss of control via the leash. 

       First I got Cleo dressed by getting her "gentle leader" over her nose first, then tethering the leash to her, finally putting her vest on.  Obviously this task dos not go in proper order.  It should have been gentle leader, vest, then leash so that way her leash was hanging from her nose instead of caught under her vest all day.  Towards the end of day someone's husband corrected me and it will hopefully not happen again!

       My body is wired as my left hand is stronger but I am right handed.  At first Cleo was tethered to my chair on the right side where my control panel is, so we are thinking on moving it to the left side.  We will see if that gives me better over Cleo.  

       But, something truly awesome occurred today!  During a lecture Cleo sat up and locked eyes with me.  When I told her to lye "down" and after a few seconds she would sit back up and stare at me intensely.  A few minutes later I realized my head hurt really badly.  As crazy as it sounds, I think she was alerting me to my pain!  If that's an extra skill she knows, that would be pretty nice.  

       The commands for dinner are "sit", "wait" as you set their bowl down, "look at me", and then once they look at you "all done to commence eating.  When I fed Cleo tonight I told her to look at me one too many times (because I couldn't see if she was looking at me) so she got her food taken away.  I got told if her nose is pointed towards me she is looking at me.  Once I repeated the routine of commands she wouldn't eat for the reason of her food getting taken away before.  She ate, though, and all went well!

       I hope Cleo and I grow a partnership that can not be torn down.  A partnership is a bond that needs mutual love and commitment.  We will need to love each other and watch each other's backs.  The definition is a realationship between two, but this will go much, much deeper than that!

       

Progress Made

Today we made a lot of progress.  When we arrived at training my girl was tied to my power chair.  At the beginning she treated me just as she had last night; like I was a stranger.  The founder of CPL made a good point: the puppies are born from their mommy's and living with their litter mates.  Then at eight weeks they are plucked away from their mom and siblings into a puppy homes, then after a year they are plucked from the puppy home into the kennel, and then they are plucked from training and matched with their partner.  So, of course I'm a stranger to Cleo!
       Then after lunch I got a hold of treats and got all kinds of attention!  Commands were being followed and then she "did her business" on command, which apparently is a major accomplishment. Granted, I ran over a different dog's poop and we had to clean my tire off.  I smelt it but I didn't know I had run over anything!
       A goal I would like to reach is to walk on a sidewalk without worry of falling off a curb.  A fear of mine is not being able to graduate from CPL because I've heard that that has happened before, but I believe that since so much progress has been made that will not happen.  I will graduate and Cleo will help me so much in my next steps of life!

Flight

As I am writing this I am flying… like literally.  I'm on a plane cruising over the United States at 37,000 feet b. I am not very fond of flying, but for this reason I must!  I am going to train with my personally trained service dog, Cleo.  What can be more awesome than that?
In my next chapters of life Cleo will be much needed and loved!  She will help me with tasks like opening doors, retrieving objects, alerting to curbs, and so much more.  As I venture through college and am wanting to be more independent, she will give that to me.  Through all the hardships that come with life, she will also help me through those.
My journey to find a service dog organization that would train a dog for me was a long and hard one.  I looked, and looked, and looked for about four years!  I'm legally blind and also use a power wheelchair.  No one wanted to step out of the box and train a dog to do a little of both.  Most organizations reproductively either mobility dogs or guide dogs; never both.  And then I came across Canine Partners for Life (CPL)!  CPL told me they could train a dog to specifically meet my needs.  And here I am, matched with Cleo!
I have been told homework for Team Training is usually a reading and then journaling, so I told some folks that I would try to write on my blog everyday.  I will be bringing you along on this journey… Let's see how it goes!

I have arrived and let me just tell you it was interesting.  My worries will never go away will never go away, but hopefully be eased from Cleo. 

Moving Independence

I am growing up.  In fact, I am a grown up!

       I am graduating high school.  My plan for future schooling is that I am going to a local community college.  I will finish up the necessary general education classes and then hopefully transfer to a four year university.  As of now, my career choice is to become a child psychologist.  I also want to start my own business!   Maybe do both or whichever one works out first. 

       I am getting my service dog!  A Labrador Retriever that will help me locate curb cuts, retrieve objects, open doors, and so much more.  Her name is Cleo and her coat is more reddish then golden.  She is beautiful and will help me at ton during my college years and beyond!

       I need to ask you to help me mature and grow up.  While I am growing up I need to be able to get to the gym, social events, my college campus, etc.  I will have my caregivers drive me to and from places in my wheelchair accessible Van.  Will you help me grow up and become more independent by helping me win a Van?

I would like your help, please.  Would you mind VOTING and asking everyone you know (SHARING)  to vote once a day for me at mobilityawarenessmonth.com?  The prize is a wheelchair accessible vehicle!  There will be three winners; an elderly person, a caregiver, and someone in between. I would be the "in between" person.   IT COSTS NO MONEY to vote and I would not be asking if it did.
       This van is so important to my family and I.  It is getting harder for me to get in and out of the car which in turn is harder on my parents to lift my wheelchair and myself into the car.  This is why I am desperately asking people to vote each day while telling everyone they know to also vote each day.  Otherwise, a wheelchair accessible van costs about $70,000!!

Taking MTS is simply not convenient, either.  They give an hour window of when they will be there and it can take two hours because of having to drop-off and pick-up other people.  You can never be on time.

The voting ends May 31. 

Heroes With Disabilities

Have you ever noticed that those with disabilities are never on television or othe,r entertainement?  Or, when the,y are, that person is cured or killed off.  I was reading an article earlier entitled "Waving Away Disabilties and Chronic Conditions in Fiction" byCarlie St. George and it got me thinking…
       The world walks on egg shells around people with disabilities because we are not seen and therefore not heard.  No one wants to be around people with chronic illnesses because they are afraid to get too close as if we might shatter into a million pieces.  We are not fragile and we should not be treated any differently.  Also, for the most part, there are no magical cures.  I can not tap my heels three times and make it go away.  Sometimes I wish I could, but it is what it is.
        Life is not easy or fair and it was not made to be.  I know that fiction is imaginary, but can't we be more imaginative than making cures for all?  Although life is not easy or fair, that does not mean I moulin like to be pitied or cured.  I can't imagine who I'd be without my disability, without having been through what I've been through.  I want to be a hero!  I want to be a hero with a disability!  So, put me in a book…

The Ones God Gave Us

Do you have someone who would jump in front of a bullet for you?  I know, sounds cliche but there are people like that.  Someone who risks hurting their back or their knee to make you are well.  Someone who would let you go first because they need to be first.  Someone who stands up for you and helps you be your bes.

       You are NOT a nobody.  You are special.  You matter greatly because we need those who take bullets.  Thank you!  God gave us you!

We Should Not Judge The Invisible

Have you ever wondered what it's like from someone else's point of view?  What they think, feel, and what their voice sounds like from inside their body.  Have you ever wanted the chance to walk in someon else's shoes?

       The thing that comes with walking in someone else's shoes is existencing their experiences.  My experiences largely goes with my disability; obviously I have one.  I use a power wheelchair which indicates physical impairment, and I wear glasses which indicates a visual impairmen, but so much more is going on.  My glasses do not show that I am legally blind, though.  

        These injuries and/or disabilities are called invisible disabilities; they can not be seen by the eye.  You would have to be walking in their shoes to experience it.

      This is why you should not judge by what you see.  We all slip up and make this mistake, but we should make an effort not to.  We don't know why that person needs extra room to move or this person looks fine on the outside but is battling a chronic illness.  

 

Belonging to Yourself

You know your parents raise you the best they can with what they know.  Sometimes you may think they are hard on you.  Sometimes you may think that "they just don't get it".  Sometimes they may push you to your limit.  All of this shows their love for you.  

       I know that on this earth there are some people who have abusive parents. Parents that are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.  Parents that are putting you through a nasty custody battle.  I like to believe that even parents who are like that hold love for their children somewhere in their hearts.  Either way, the way your parents raise you influences your behavior to a certain extent, but YOU are your own person!

       No one has control over your actions, behaviors, and emotions but you and God.  No one should be able to tell you how to think.  Your mind, your body, your emotions; they all belong to you.  

        I watched a video about clicker training yesterday.  A practice game shown was much like the game "Hot and Cold".  I chose a task for my (human) friend to do.  As they got closer to accomplishing the task I "clicked".  The only thing I did not like is that humans should not be trained. 

        Remember, you are your own person!

This Funny Thing Called "Life"

Life is tough, but you must never forget that it is tough for everyone in different ways.  I often wonder how it feels in another persons shoes.  I have a neurodegenerative disease that causes chronic illness, vision impairmant, the use of a wheelchai, and many other dificulties - and then some dificulties are from my friend here called "life".  What are your dificulties?  What are your challenges?  What are your disabilities?  How do you view life?

       We must realize that this is not easy for anyone.  With this realiziation in mind, we should help each other be our best selves.  Help accommodate to our own needs.  This is how I imagine a perfect, peaceful world would operate!

        You see, I believe in equality and treating all people as equals.  What a lot of people do not understand is that though everyone should be treated equal, we are all different living under circumstances that are not alike which means we need to be able to accommodate to our own specific needs.  We should help each other do this remembering that this life isn't easy!

Transition

I am a person with a disability transitioning from high school to college, but people with disabilities transition to many different places depending on their abilities.  Let me tell you, though, the world is not prepared for people with disabilities.  Some people go to a program called TRACE, some people go straight to a job and learning job skills, some people use many different agencies to go to college and transition into adulthood. 

       California is one of the best states for people who have disabilities.  California has the most state programs to provide support for individuals.  Regional Center is a program that assists and provides support to individuals with developmental disabilities.  Regional Center provides many, many different respite and other agencies of help, too.   Department of Rehab (DOR) is a program that supports and guides individuals to employment.  Suplemental Security Income (SSI) provides extra, helpful income.  In Home Supportive Systems (IHSS) is provided by Medi-Cal which is given by SSI.  Then my college disabled students programs and supports (DSPS) for academic accommodations. 

       This is everything I have to organize as I am adult.  Even though it is a lot to organize, I am glad that California provides all of this to help.  It is a state that I will always have to live in and pay the "sun tax", but I love it!

Warrior and Worrier

Some might call me a warrior, but I am also a worrier.  If something happens between me and someone else I perseverate, and then if communication isn't happening I start worrying the other person.  I feel everything so deeply and powerfully.  Unfortunately that also means I am easily hurt.  There is something I am begging to learn though; most people in the world have a protective layer over their heart. 

       I am 18 years old now; finally an adult.  I am not sure about being an adult, though.  I already knew life was brutal and exhausting, but now everything I didn't have to worry about as a minor… I have to worry about.  Most of my peers going into adulthood have to consider post-secondary education and money; I have to consider post-secondary education, money, Department of Rehab, Regional Center, SSI, IHSS, caregivers, service dog (I'm so EXCITED), wheelchair accessible van, etc.  

       I am a warrior so I can handle this, and I am a worrier so I will try NOT to perseverate on everything!

The Art of Communication

Sometimes words get jumbled up in my head.  I know what I want to say but the words are all scattered and bouncing around in my head like a pin ball machine, leaving my tongue paralyzed.  I believe that this one of the things that the lesion on my cerebellum took from me, although I was never great at speaking.  I must take frequent pauses too, so to fill my restricted lungs with more oxygen to fuel the words that flow out on the carbon dioxide.  The art of speech is more of a tetious task for me. 

       If speaking is a tetious task that takes much strength and energy out of me than you can imagine how hard it is when I am in the middle of a disagreement with someone.  Someone once got so frustrated that she told me to send her an email explaining what I was trying to expell from my mouth.  Now writing is a whole other walk in the park.  

       From my brain to a page is no trouble at all.  The words flow as freely as a waterfall.  So, I emailed what I was trying to get this person to understand and finally the lightbulb clicked on and we understood each other.  I use the art of written word with the grace it deserves. 

       Communicate.  Understand each other.  Write, speak, sign, communicate. 

Here She Is…

The only bummer is that I won't get to walk in graduation as Team Training is in June instead of what I thought, July.  There is no choice though because my service dog takes priority over walking!  I will still graduate from high school; everything will work out!  

       Here she is!  Her name is Cleo!!

My Canine Partner

Have you ever been waiting for something for what feels like ages?   Have you ever screamed in excitement while smiling ear to ear?  Have you ever called the whole entire family and left excited/happy voicemails?  I have and it is wonderful!
       I was at the elementary school where I volunteered and the kids were still at recess, so I was checking my email inside the classroom.  I noticed an email with the subject "service dog".  I tapped it and the email read something like this, "if your main goals for a dog is still retrieving, opening doors, and locating curbs we have a dog for you".  I replied along the lines of, "YES, YES, AND YES"!  That day when I got home I called just about my whole family.  About a week and a half later I got the official phone call confirming my match with a dog!
       This July I will be going to a three week teem training and bringing home my service dog!  Thank you Canine Partners for Life for training a dog to specifically meet my need.s.  Thank you everyone who helped raise money and make this possible. 

Days

This screen so bright, hurting my eyes.

I am in the middle of the ocean with no escape,

Being drowned and pummeled by this pain.

To complete what has to be done, I am trying.

With what is supposed to make that easier, I am dying. 

I wish that it would stay at bay,

And let me live my way!

But, for now, I will just try to live my life. 

On a sale of one to ten how bad?

I speak this language with such ease it is crazy.

To get me through each day much medicine must be had. 

This fact used to terrify me,

But now I just must take what is given and be glad. 

For looking away, closing my eyes, and taking medicine brings too much relief. 

Plans Followed Through

I sometimes wish I could go with the flow, fly by the seat of my pants, and not have to make plans.  Not have to always ask a caregiver to help me get ready within a couple hours, have to schedule a bus ride to and fro.  I do not let the wind carry me because then I would never feel it. 

       But, I am not the controller of life.  It can not always be planned, but since I am engineered to plan I do not take sudden changes well.  There is only so much that can be planned and I leave the rest up to God!  What I can plan, though, I stick to.  Carrying my word through is important to me. 

A Minority Who Sits In The Back

Do you ever look at the car ahead of you and wonder where they are going?  Do you ever look at the plane above you and wonder if they are going home or on a trip?  So many people on this planet doing everything.  So many people on this planet with so many different dreams and stories.  So many people on this planet who come to America to live out their dreams in "the land of the free and the hom of the brave".  Yet, so many people had to fight for their rights. 

       In our history books, though, we don't read about every minorities fight for rights.  We only read and learn about African American civil rights.  Do you know who Martin Luther King is?  The guy who wrote the "I Have a Dream" speech.  Do you know who didn't give up her seat on the bus?  Claudette Colvin. 

       The lebian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBTQ) community is even receiving a spot in our textbooks.  Do you know when they were granted the right to marry?  2015.  What else do we know?  Well, not much because this minority will soon be taking a seat in our curriculum. 

       But a minority that is often forgotten is the persons within the disabled community.  Did you know the people with disabilities litterally threw themselves out of their wheelchairs and crawled up the steps of congress to get the Americans with Disabilities Acr passed?  Did you know we so often still get discriminated angriest and talked down to?  Our seat are in the back and that needs to change!

       We are all Americans and deserve to be treated equally.  We are all human beings!