I Am Aware

I am aware. I'm aware of how my visual impairment affects me.  I'm aware of how tired and weak I am all the time.  I'm aware of my dysarthria.  I am aware, and wether these are new symptoms or my new found awareness, I am not sure.  

     I suppose I've known about my mystery disability since I went from forearm crutches to a walkerr and I've definitely known that I'm legally blind since birth, but when I was a child nothing got in my way.  I knew that I was legally blind but not as much was based on sight.  As for the dysarthria and the tiredness I am pretty certain that those symptoms are fairly new.  

     Everyone whom I tell about my mystery disability tells me that a diagnosis is just a name, that in the long run it doesn't matter; they don't get it.  Instead of a diagnosis I have a list of symptoms and diagnoses that seems to keep growing.  Doctors will not treat these symptoms with out this name, without a diagnosis and I wouldn't really care if I wasn't exhausted and weak all the time, if it didn't take multiple times for someone to hear and understand me, if it didn't take the breath out of me when I talk.  

     Most of the time a diagnosis means a reason and doctors won't treat without a reason.  According to almost every test there is no reason for me to have a disability.  

     I am more aware than I was when I was a child because back then I didn't feel it like I do now.  I am a mystery that defies all odds and… I am aware. 

      

Wheelchair Guides/Guide Dogs

I'm annoyed; yes, I am being blunt because I am very annoyed and frustrated!  

     For a little over three years - THREE YEARS! - I have been research, emailing, and applying to different guide dog and service dog schools.  I have been denied by all of them.  The service dog training   centers said that do not train dogs if you are legally blind and the guide dog schools said they do not train dogs if you use a wheelchair… and of course, I am both legally blind and use a wheelchair.  

     Then, I thought I hit the jackpot, when I heard of ‘wheelchair guides' which are guide dogs trained to guide people who use wheelchairs.  I decided that my visual impairment is my primary disability and that it is necessary for me to have a guide dog before I go to college.  But, every guide dog school that had a wheelchair program has now stopped it or is not able to help me.  

     So I am open to suggestions. If you can help me please comment on this blog. But I'm annoyed and frustrated and this adventure is not over.